Archived News - Lawn Tennis
Home > News > Archived News > Lawn Tennis
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
Of all the events in all the towns in all the countries, the one that is most anticipated by those fortunate enough to be fully paid up members of Eaton Bray Tennis Club is the annual Chairman's barbecue. This year, as last year (and possibly the one before, I've really lost count of how long Ross has been Chairman) it was held at chez Bagni. A more delightful setting would be hard to imagine; tall yew trees swinging gently in the light breeze sheltering vibrantly colourful fauna borders, pitched against a beautifully manicured lawn (well it was when we arrived...) all in a sizeable L-shaped garden with an enchanting vine-covered pagoda providing a welcome sanctuary for the drinks bar from the sun. I tell you, there's more money in hats than you can imagine. Either that or he disappeared once in a canoe.
So there we all gathered at 2pm one sunny mid-July Saturday afternoon, 28 of us eager to obtain maximum value for money from our £12 ticket, entitling us to a choice of thick steak, succulent chicken or generous vegetarian lunch, a veritable feast of salads, potatoes, pastas and delectable desserts, and 'as much as you can drink' before dusk creeps in and we're all sent home. Everyone was responsible for barbecuing their own food, which caused a little confusion during peak cooking times over whose steak was whose, but most disagreements were settled amicably without resorting to threatening behaviour with a pair of tongs. The highlight, of course, was the liquid refreshment situation, where six different types of lagers and beers languished invitingly submerged in ice in cool boxes; French red and white wine was laid on abundantly, and if you popped inside when Ross and Shelagh were otherwise engaged cleaning up the spilt sherry trifle you'd cleverly arranged as a diversionary tactic, you could help yourself to as much of his malt Laphroig whisky as you liked. Plus there was an extremely smooth vintage brandy, which he kept hidden away for special occasions. If this wasn't a special occasion I don't know what was, so clearly it had to be sampled.
As you'll appreciate, dusk in July comes quite late, so by 8pm several of us had enjoyed more than our fair share of the Chairman's beverage benevolence, and weighing up the options of either staying until it got quite dark and probably falling over on the lawn (with subsequent further damage to said lawn's previously superior appearance), or calling a taxi for the short hop back home, we chose the latter. Some locals stumbled back to their homes with the aid of their satellite navigation systems (that's their wives), but even I was able to calculate that walking back to Dunstable was not really an option, based on the previous trouble some club members had put Dunstable Downs Mountain Rescue to some years before. So bidding our fond farewells to friends old and newfound, we found ourselves sharing a taxi with those very same club members who once spent the night wandering the wildernesses that are the Downs, and we all mutually congratulated ourselves on how sober and sensible we'd been to remember to call a taxi. Or maybe that was our wives too....
Needless to say, the Sunday morning social tennis session was not too well attended that weekend, most members preferring a little lie in and a leisurely breakfast of black coffee and dry toast. I panicked when, whilst pouring a third strong coffee, I glanced out of the kitchen window and noticed with much alarm that someone had stolen my car during the night. It's amazing how quickly you sober up when you realise you have to call the police. Fortunately my wife was able to grab the receiver from my hand before I further embarrassed myself, and quietly reminded me that I'd left it at the Treasurer's house in Eaton Bray when we drove down to the barbecue the previous afternoon. Sure enough, some considerable time later that day, there she was patiently awaiting my return to once more be admired and pampered in the manner to which she had become accustomed. So was the car.
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not replacing divots in the chairman's lawn, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, October 2008
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
The sun's shining brightly, there's a gentle breeze, the temperature's currently in the mid seventies (or mid twenties if you're one of those new fangled metric modernists), and being a Tuesday afternoon I've decided to head up to the courts to enjoy one of our regular weekly club sessions for an hour or two. I must admit I haven't played for a few weeks, but I've run out of excuses - there's only so many elderly relatives who can unexpectedly pop round at the last minute - and my waistband has subsequently expanded to a level whereby I'm having serious problems inside my shorts. I'm convinced that it's partly
due to the move to metric when all the tennis trouser manufacturers messed up the inches to centimetres calculations, and so what I thought was a 38 inch pair of tennis shorts actually turned out to be a 34 inch, or something similar. Anyway with that and my slightly expanded midriff there's no way I can squeeze into these without giving my fellow players a very nasty shock, so it's up into the loft to find the 'fat boy' box into which I triumphantly threw all my larger clothes the last time I managed to lose a few pounds. Hmm, even the loft hatch has contracted since I was last up the stepladder; must be something to do with the central heating. And the ladder's developed a worrying creak too.
Right, ready to go. Nicely decked out in a pair of khaki shorts which spent a previous life as a circus tent, and an old grey t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan 'Glastonbury 1985' Fortunately I don't have any photographs of me from that era, mainly because no-one would risk breaking their cameras and take one. Imagine the big hairy guy from 'Lost' and you're getting near. Throw my racquet in my bag, chuck in a couple of cold cans of Stella for emergency refreshment, and head off.
It turns out perfectly; there are 12 of us, so three sets of doubles. We play the best of five games in each set before mixing ourselves up into different pairs and doing the same again. My partner and I stroll to a five-luv defeat in our opening set, which I was disappointed to find meant a lot of running around, mostly fetching balls that had whizzed past us. It's extremely hot still and I begin to regret leaving my favourite iron lung at home. Determined to put in a better performance in the second set, I find myself paired with one of the club's better players, who's very gracious and kind repeating phrases like 'oh bad luck', 'better luck next time' and 'what the blazes was that?' as he finds himself on the losing end of a set for the first time in several months. Still it was four-one so at least we got a game, I remind him - the one in which I don't think I touched the ball once - which doesn't seem to appease his steely stare towards me. By this time my powers of speech are suspended due to my urgent need to use what little energy I have left, just to breathe. According to my heart monitor I should be in resus. So imagine my delight when a 13th person appears wandering up the path from the car park! They wouldn't want to sit out, would they? No sooner does she pass the clubhouse, I have my racquet packed away, my bag over my shoulder and am dragging myself off court in the general direction of my car in a somewhat haphazard manner due to my legs refusing to go where my brain is pointing them. After all, I don't want anyone else getting any ideas about an early bath! And anyway I'd locked them all in when I shut the court door.
Of course I'll be back. We have a lot of fun both on and off the courts, and no-one minds at all if you're a beginner! You could even pair up with me and teach me a few things!
We have several social playing sessions every week plus coaching, competitions, league matches, and the most amazing ball-machine that has to be seen to be believed. It even has a remote control just like my telly, although my telly doesn't shoot tennis balls at me at 100 mph. Mind you, nor can the ball machine get BBC One, so each to their own. So do give us a call if you'd like to join us, even if just for one session to see if you like it. We'd love to see some new faces up there this summer.
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not having a little rest in my iron lung, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, July 2008
'Play Tennis' Day - 21st June
'Play Tennis' Day
Saturday 21st June 2008
at Eaton Bray Tennis Club,
School Lane, Eaton Bray
'Play Tennis' day is a FREE tennis taster session for adults and children. There will be lots of fun tennis related games and activities, competitions, free giveaways, tennis equipment and clothes for sale by racketsportsdirect.com, BBQ and much more.
Join the Fun
at Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club on School Lane
12noon to 3pm.
Contact Ross Bagni on 01525 221411
with any questions or queries
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
OK so I've been rumbled. I admit here and now that maybe I allowed my journalistic
juices to run a little out of control in my last article. Let me explain.
When I reported that the lady at the party (to celebrate my homecoming, or the chairman's birthday, I'll let you decide which one it was..) asked me to sign my Focus article for her, she didn't actually say, in as many words, 'Would you please sign this for me'?
What she actually said was more along the lines of, well nothing. It was me who said to her, in a somewhat pleading voice, 'Would you like me to sign that for you'? Or it might have been 'Please please can I sign it for you in front of all those people'? So I did, somewhat lavishly.
I have to reveal the truth this month because a little bird, who was listening in to our conversation, has told the Chairman who in turn has threatened to ban me from public office if I don't say what really happened. So I'm happy to set the record straight, and to assure everyone that I've put a contract out on that bird. No one likes a grass.
The recent heat wave has resulted in a queue to use the tennis courts! Last Sunday morning there were far more players than places available for them to stand (unless you put eight on each court and it gets confusing then, and it's really difficult to keep the score). So we had players sitting out occasionally so that everyone had a chance to play a few games. We'd decided to have a barbecue at the courts that morning, so as our exhausted members crawled off court, heavily perspiring in the baking heat, there was a cool glass of squash and one of my infamous burgers or hot dogs awaiting them!
There was the option of sizzling onions and several tasty sauces to complement the main meal; needless to say once a burger or two had been consumed it soon solved the problem of too many people on the courts. Most participants then just collapsed into a chair and sat in the sunshine watching the die-hards on court one finish their set. It proved a mammoth game, taking nearly an hour for Peter Hale and Ross Bagni to narrowly defeat Jon Moon and Simon Mitchener by six games to four. By then unfortunately all the burgers had been eaten, but there were plenty of onions left over, at which they unceremoniously turned up their noses. Can't please some people...!
The next outing for the barbecue will be on Saturday 21st June at our annual Play Tennis Day, and it's open to everyone to come along and try out some tennis for free.
Running from around 11am, we'll have both Fastest Serve, and Longest Rally Against the Coach competitions. Think I'll blindfold him to give everyone a chance. Racquet Sports Direct will be there with tennis racquets to try out and maybe buy, together with clothes and shoes at discount prices. With half price membership for any new members joining on the day, plus did I mention the barbecue, there can be no better way to spend an hour or two on the 21st. We look forward to seeing as many villagers there as we can squeeze onto the Green!
And finally Cyril. Can I pass on my congratulations to all Portsmouth FC supporters in the villages after I was lucky enough to witness their magnificent FA Cup victory against Cardiff at Wembley? A very well deserved victory, we can be very proud of our club! Oh by the way, if Cardiff won I'm sorry, but I had to get this article in the week before the final. I'm sure it'll all be fine. I did go along to a clairvoyant's convention to try to find out who will win, but it had been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please call either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not banging my drum shouting 'Play Up Pompey', me, Andy Cross using the contact page.
Source: Focus, June 2008
Quiz Sold Out Again!
The latest quiz held jointly by the Village Hall fund raisers and the Tennis Club was sold out 3 weeks before the event and I was sitting on a waiting list of 10 good and honest people. Well maybe I should have sold them the tickets and not the team that won! They might not have been as good as them. The net result would have meant that our team came 11th instead of 12th. Well one must think up ways of getting better mustn't one.
It was a great night and our thanks must go to Keith Blackburn who generously gives his time to creating and presenting these quizzes. For all his efforts and our feeble ones in trying to answer the questions over £1,300 was raised on the night. Thanks to all of you who came.
Just a reminder; The next quiz is on Saturday 11th October in the Village Hall and the booking office is now open so don't be disappointed, ring Ross on 221411 to book your places!Source: Focus, June 2008
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
Everyone has a dream. Some come true, others slowly fade away into oblivion. Such was ours; thanks to the imminent relegation of Luton Town, they can no longer afford to rent our tennis courts and play on our artificial Subbuteo pitches. I was only sent two anyway and one of those had beer stains on it. No one bought a plank, our grandstand builder has vanished (VAT issues I think...) and I've had to walk home from the Cayman Islands having spent all my spare dosh on one last rum and coke. So bringing league football to Eaton Bray will have to remain a dream. Always optimistic though, I've put a letters in the post to the London Wasps and Inter Milan (with a few Euros) so we'll see what comes of that...
My homecoming caused much excitement, and a huge party was thrown for me at the Village Hall. To keep it a surprise from me, the Chairman booked it under the pseudonym of his hur-humphth birthday party (I'm not allowed to say which one but it wasn't his 59th or 61st). Whilst entertaining some party-goers I'd cleverly manoeuvred into a corner so I could regale them with interesting stories of my secret assignment in the Caribbean, I was approached by a lady I didn't recognise. Now this usually starts alarm bells ringing due to past experiences, but as she wasn't dressed as a policewoman I acknowledged her, at which point she reached into her handbag and extracted a folded photocopy of my last Focus article. Having introduced herself as Lesley, a founder member of our tennis club back in 1988, she proceeded to ask me to sign the article. My first ever autograph! My cornered partygoers looked on in awe (or something resembling disbelief) as I gave her my full attention and commenced a detailed narrative history of the last fifteen years of my involvement on the committee.
I'd only got to 1997 when she excused herself to attend to a 'personal matter' and I never saw her again. I expect the excitement of obtaining my signature had overwhelmed her; same for the other people I was talking to as they'd gone too. The band played 'I Think We're Alone Now' and I danced with myself.
I don't believe I've reported yet on our other recent moment of fame? A few weeks ago, Eaton Bray Tennis Club was the answer to the third clue on BBC Three Counties Radio 'Treasure Quest' programme where studio contestants have to solve clues to guide their intrepid reporter, Victoria (aka 'Cookie') around various locations in the county to find the treasure. This week there was a sporting theme, and after several false starts, the clue 'Old Macdonald's place by the river. Can you hear a donkey make a racket'? was successfully found to be our club! There were 12 of us playing as the reporter arrived, running breathlessly from the car park, followed at some distance by a huffing and puffing soundman carrying most of Dixons on his back. We hid her fourth clue in a bucket of tennis balls, which we asked her to hit over the net (with my new racquet!) until she uncovered the clue. She was pretty good in fact and asked what happened if she got all ten balls over. 'If you get ten balls over', quipped John Palmer of dodgy umpiring fame, 'then you're in the first team'!
Having successfully found the next clue, which was something about local leisure centres, Cookie turned her attention to me and thrust a microphone in my face as I was unexpectedly interviewed about the club, live on air! To say I was a tad nervous is a huge understatement, but as this is our 20th anniversary year, it was a good opportunity for a 'plug' about what we do, both socially and on the courts, especially in the wonderful sunny weather that adorned our three new courts that morning. She then scurried off with her heavily laden soundman in pursuit, in search of the next clue, leaving us to enjoy our tennis and bask in our newfound fame within the three counties.... I did drop her a note asking if there were any top media jobs going at Three Counties, but I guess she's been too busy to get back to me. So I put 'On the Radio' by Martine McCutcheon on continuous loop on the CD player and danced with myself....
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please call either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not presenting News at Ten, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, May 2008
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
Dear Mr Chairman,
As requested, here is my weekly report from the Cayman Islands. As you'll remember, you sent me here last month 'for tax purposes' to await the arrival by air-mail of 7,000 Subbuteo pitches and around a hundred grand in used tenners. As I recline in the shade beneath a coconut tree on the white sandy beach sipping a rum and coke, I have to report that, to date, we are substantially short on the pitch front having received just two, one from my mother who found a reasonable second-hand one at a car boot sale in Solihull, and one from a Mr Robin Banks of London who included a ransom note demanding a million pounds or he'd 'spill the beans' about our builder's VAT situation. I've stitched the two pitches together (I could only get red cotton) and will send them to you, so if we don't get any more then just try to stretch them a bit over the courts. We'll just have to make do with a red half way line, but as Luton never get over it anyway, it shouldn't be a problem.
Money-wise, things aren't a lot better. Apart from trying to find a million quid to send to Mr Banks, I've received no tenners at all. Did you give everyone the right name? The big fat bloke in the next deckchair keeps getting loads of well-stuffed envelopes brought to him on silver platters by the waiting staff. I think his name's Max or something because the locals keep saying to him 'how are you Max, well?' Then he laughs, mutters something about a fake body near the Canaries, and raises his glass of champagne toasting some pension funds. All very strange, I think he's deluded. So please make sure some come to me because so far I'm spending all my own money, and it's not cheap being an excommunicated communications officer, this rum's pricey I can tell you.
Whilst I remember, please make sure that everyone knows about the Quiz Night on Saturday 26th April, which we're hosting with the Village Hall Fundraising Committee. I think you've still got some tickets available. Also there's the BBQ and social tennis up at the courts on Sunday 11th May morning where, again, everyone is invited to come along to see what we're all about. Finally please promote the infamous Gazebo construction demonstration during our Play Tennis Day on Saturday 21st June. Again with BBQ providing I get home in time. I still think it was a tad stingy of the club just to get that one-way ticket, and having to travel as hold luggage in that cage with the six amorous skunks wasn't the best way to start an assignment. Good job you got me a 'room' near the sea so I could bathe easily; so easily in fact I didn't even have to get out of bed, the tide just came in.
Still it's a nice hole in the sand, and I'm thinking of making a roof out of palm tree leaves to keep the seagulls out.
Anyway I must sign off as 'Max' has just received another parcel and I'm going to ask him for a loan to pay off Mr Banks and secure another week's worth of rum and cokes. Then I've got to chop a palm tree down, post off the Subbuteo pitches and go for another swim to remove the latest seagull messages. After that I'll need a rest so if you need me I'll be in my hole, just ask for me at the hotel, most of the waiters know the hole because that's where they throw the kitchen leftovers.
Speaking of which - lunch has arrived! I just need to scrape the wet sand and congealed gravy off last night's sea bass. Yummy!
Thank you again for the opportunity to serve you and the club so loyally, I remain,
Your obedient servant
Agent Andy
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please call either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I've not been thrown into a Cayman jail for subversive money laundering, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, April 2008
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
As the nights progressively draw in, the less hardy members of our club (including myself) are sometimes less inclined to venture outside in the dark damp evenings for a set or two of tennis, and more disposed to sitting in front of the fire with a warming brew and the dulcet tones of Bruce 'nice to see you' Forsyth blaring from the TV set as he once again tells the couple, with a celebratory possessing the dancing skills of a pregnant warthog, that they are his favourites. So in order to entice a few of these lounge-lovers onto the courts, we organised a 'Round Robin' tournament last week and were delighted that 12 members turned out on what was actually a rather nice afternoon, and we only had to pay 7 of them. For those not in the know of such colloquial tennis terms, a 'round robin' involves games of doubles where everyone plays with everyone else in rotation, swapping partners after 4 games (tennis partners, not what you're thinking) and keeps count of their own scores as to how many games they have won. It's all quite simple after you've played in a few hundred competitions, but fortunately there's always someone there who nearly understands it, so by the end of an afternoon's play punctuated by cries such as 'who swaps with whom?', 'is it sudden death deuce?' and 'ouch that hurt' a winner was decided and awarded the usual lavish prize of a bottle of cheap plonk. As befits tradition, the last placed player also receives a special consolatory prize, so at least I went home with something.
As Focus goes to press, I'm delighted to bring 'hold the front page' news about last night's Quiz night held in our clubhouse. It's not known as the Tardis for nothing; from the outside one would never imagine that any more than 32 people could be 'reasonably' comfortably seated inside, but blow me down if we didn't have 33 people including quizmaster Keith Blackburn ensconced. Let me tell you about Keith; although he's never made the same big time as brother Tony (and therefore never munched on tsetse fly larvae in the jungles of Australia) he does put together a rather excellent quiz, and would make a welcome fellow passenger on a long haul flight to that same country, as he can keep one amused for hours, nay days, on fascinating trivia to prevent you from falling asleep and therefore making a complete hash of adapting to the vastly different time zone. 'Who invented NASA?' and 'What decade was Zinc' might have been 2 of the questions, but I may have got those mixed up, as I did most of the answers. My team, '4 Js and an A', consisted of myself (the 'A') plus four others whose names began with a 'J'; quite clever we thought, but no bonus points. I can reveal that three of the four were a Jane, a Jan and a John, but the fourth member has begged anonymity which I have to respect (thanks for the fiver J*nny, 29). Up until the last round, we were level pegging with Chairman Ross's team "One overly loud Italian and his long suffering wife (Shelagh 'where's me mini') plus a couple of hangers-on".
The last round was critical. Could we make up the two points required to overtake them and prevent another six months of insufferable smugness? It all hinged on the last question; 'Which three small islands in the British Isles issues their own postage stamps?'. 'One overly loud' etc went for Jersey, Guernsey and the Isle of Man, whilst I, as chief scribe, was persuaded to note down the Isle of Wight, Isle of Dogs and Isla St Clair. Inevitably we were pipped at the post and our Chairman delighted in handing out to his team their much deserved prizes of quality wine, one of which my wife and I had donated, so at least one of them will have a shock when they open that at their next dinner party. Home made is always the most enjoyed, I find, and Goldfish wine has to be savoured at almost freezing to be fully appreciated, although we didn't make that clear on the bottle notes. Thinking about it, we missed out any reference to the goldfish either. Probably best though after all the media trouble last time, although the guinea-pig fruit cake has since proved a gastronomic success at our local market cake stall in Dunstable. Call for further details, but leave it a couple more months until my release date.
Source: Focus, December/January 2008
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
Another mammoth month for EBLTC: Our third court is painted and in use, our club Final's day saw some amazing wins, a joint Quiz night with the Village hall committee raised over £700 for the club, and our membership has risen again to almost 150, the highest ever in our 19 year history. That's now one member for every 17 villagers, so yes we are slowly taking over the village and at this rate we aim for world domination by next summer (if we get one). We might need a bigger clubhouse though, and I hope Hines can ramp up to supply that many burgers for our barbecues.
The sun shone brightly on our club Final's day, the culmination of several months of knock-out rounds, and the aforementioned barbecue sizzled succulently as once more our 48 menu options were hungrily devoured by players and supporters alike. I'm not sure that Darren Kerins should have had 3 burgers and a hotdog before going on court to play his Men's singles final, but clearly the calories counted as he beat Kevin Todd to take his 10th singles title and incredibly his 20th title overall including 5 men's doubles and 5 mixed doubles over the years. Kevin took revenge later though, winning his 7th Men's Doubles title when he partnered Peter Hill to overcome Darren and Martin Clarke. Jenny Baines closed in on Darren's total by defeating Rebecca Garrard in the Ladies Singles to take her 11th title, and in so doing matched the previous club record for a lady held by Jenny Moore. Jenny's husband Wayne has 12 titles and is 2nd overall in the club. In the Ladies Doubles Jane Cross and Val Abercrombie got the better of Jane Wigley and Danielle Tansley to take their 'title totals' to 8 and 4 respectively, whilst in the final senior match, the Mixed Doubles, Jane Cross made it 9 titles and Peter Hill claimed his 2nd by taking victory over Janet Hale and Simon Mitchener.
We also enjoyed 2 fascinating Junior competitions; the Under 10s culminated in Isaac Gordon just overcoming Jacob Shooter to take the cup. In the Over 10s, William Peck narrowly beat Alison Lowe in a closely fought match; definitely 2 potential stars for the future. I wonder if one of them will eventually overtake Darren's total of 20 titles? Not if I get there before them, but then I still need my first and I haven't entered for about 5 years and I don't have a forehand and I'm 35 years older than them but where there's hope there's a way. Oh did I mention my weight?
The Quiz night held jointly with the Village Hall committee was another resounding success with 155 people organised into strangely named teams, competing against one another to answer peculiar questions such as 'what is sturnutation'? and 'name the land-locked countries of South America'? The answers got progressively harder as the evening progressed on an exponential scale with the amount of 'bring your own drink' consumed. By round 8 after a wholesome paté and salad dinner, most of my team had trouble even seeing the quizmaster let alone understanding the questions, and we even got 'what time is news at ten?' wrong, and nobody knew 'in the 1976 Irish sheepdog trials, how many dogs were found guilty'? Nonetheless, we came a credible 9th equal (out of 10 I think) so went home happy, not surprising based on the empties we left in the recycling bag. Oh and apparently the answers to the above were 'Sneezing', 'Bolivia', 'Paraguay', '10pm' and 'all of them', but not necessarily in that order.
Finally we'd like to thank the Village Fete committee for taking pity on us after our over-easy 'tennis ball through-the-hole' stall (and all my subsequent moaning) and donating £100 to the club. Thank you, it was much appreciated. We'll spend it on some decent prizes for next time, and a new box with a smaller hole. Or bigger balls, or possibly all three. Or maybe we'll all just go to the pub.
Source: Focus, November 2007
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
As I write this one Sunday morning, I just don't know which channel to watch. BBC1 for the European football qualifiers, ITV for the Rugby World Cup and Formula One Grand Prix, Sky for the Tennis US Open or ITV4 (or is it 5 or 6?) for the Cricket. I'm sitting in front of my telly in a state of confusion; smoke pouring from my remote control due to over-exertion of the programme buttons, empty cans of SkolsbergCarlbrau carelessly surrounding my armchair, and my England flag flopping aimlessly from the
curtain rail. Let's face it, the possibilities of England winning, or even featuring in the finals of any of these events is slightly less than the chances of my daughter's guinea-pig designing and building a spaceship, launching from our back garden beside the potted bamboo, and becoming the first rodent on Mars (after Anne Robinson). So, with no hope of a national victory (with the possible exception of the Formula One Championship if Lewis can 'sort out' Monsignor Alonso) I decided to switch off the box and get down to the tennis courts in order to motivate my fellow Sunday morning social players to bigger and better things, so that one day we may once again stand proudly at the top of the world tennis mountain.
Unfortunately it wasn't to be. Our club is blessed with several top class players (I'm too modest to count myself amongst them) but the motley crowd of eight that gathered this morning to take on the elements and one-another were not part of that elite group.
The top people were apparently watching the cricket. So with goodwill and brave hearts, we set to the task of splitting ourselves into pairs and commencing battle. Now lets look at the day-jobs of these eight people, We had a hat seller, an X-ray equipment seller, a Construction Material Testing engineer, a retired Vulcan and Easy jet pilot, a Silverlink train driver, a Cambridge graduate, an office worker and an about to be student. But bring these together with the single objective of winning the best of five games and all day-jobs fade into oblivion. Victory is the one and only objective! Such an example was when one of my superbly executed topspin lobs landed clearly right-on our opponent's baseline, only for it to be called 'out' by my opposite number.
Now this is a man who back in 1982 (even when he had much better eyesight and a co-pilot to boot) couldn't hit a runway 2 miles long and 300 feet wide over Port Stanley, so what chance has he of calling a ball in or out over a 27-foot line just an inch wide? The hat-seller agreed with me, but the train driver sided with the pilot (must be some sort of transport union) so the point was replayed whereupon I served a double fault to settle the matter unequivocally. Moral of the story? Always play against the Student because you can threaten to tell their parents about the latest scratch on their car, and hence take away their allowance if they don't award you the point. Firm but fair I'm sure you'd agree.
Almost finally, some good news about our recent accomplishments. Our third court has just completed its resurfacing programme at a cost of around £18,000. We have received £2,000 from the Flagship Fund towards this through South Beds District Council, along with a grant of £1,920 from the Local Network Fund, both for which we are extremely grateful. Now we are now one of the few lucky clubs in Bedfordshire to have three brand new courts all with floodlighting, and a growing membership ishing to avail themselves of the facilities (1 in every 19 villagers, remember...).
To end on, many congratulations to Junior member Alison Lowe, who took a magnificent runners up place in the Beds County Mini Tennis Green competition under 10's. This is a major feat as there were some excellent youngsters from clubs all over Bedfordshire competing, and we should all congratulate Alison on her achievement. No pressure Alison, but Wimbledon starts in eight months time... J
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not locked in the bathroom sulking about the latest dodgy line call, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, October 2007
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
Next time you are wandering along the High Street in Eaton Bray, look at the people
you pass very carefully and try to guess whether they are in the Tennis Club. The chances are that for every 19 people you see, one will be a member, for of the 2,500 villagers, 130 have pledged themselves to our club for the year. Just imagine that, one in every 19 people, so in the village shop at any particular time there could be, oh, say half a member. A wild night out in Café Masala could see three members lurking
within, whilst the typical Village dance at the hall could reveal seven or eight of us, or probably a lot more if we're organising it. We are everywhere; in the chip shop, the hairdressers, the off licence, the pub (quite often, actually) constantly on the lookout for an opportunity to whip out our racquets and knock some balls around.
The reason I cite membership numbers is because we recently held our most successful recruitment drive ever. The Play Tennis Day up at the courts in June attracted over 100 people who braved a variety of seasons in one afternoon to attend the official opening of our newly re-surfaced courts. They enjoyed tennis taster sessions, my infamous haute cuisine barbecue with new extended menu (hotdog, burger, cheeseburger, all with options of onions and/or half portions, giving an amazing 12 possible pricing combinations and that's before you choose from the four sauces on offer - what other club gives you 48 food options at any of their events?), anyway where was I, oh yes and local MP Andrew Selous came along to try his hand against some of the youngsters before officially declaring our courts 'open'. We signed up 26 new members during the afternoon - an all time record for one day - and we also announced the re-surfacing and floodlighting of our third court later this year.
We've put the all-weather 35,000 seater stadium with retractable roof, multi-storey car park and dual carriageway access up School Lane on hold for a while as our Vietnamese financier Phut Pholt failed to come up with the necessary dosh having re-directed most of it to West Ham United to pay for some Argentinian bloke who it turns out was never theirs anyway and now wants to go to Manchester United where he'll probably play in the reserves for ever. All most unsatisfactory and meanwhile our retractable roof is still on the drawing board at McAlpines.
We've had some very successful fund-raising events in the past, and the recent village carnival was no exception, providing that the actual amount isn't too important. Our stall consisted of a large board with an even larger round hole, through which contestants had to throw four tennis balls from about five feet away, and if they got three or more through then they won their money back and a packet of sweets. The cost of all this fun? 20p a go. The number of people who won? Virtually everyone. It was almost impossible to miss. Even with your eyes closed and both hands tied behind your back. We ran out of sweets and had to bring in an emergency supply of pens and then ran out of them too. We ran out of money pretty soon afterwards. Fortunately our Treasurer had the foresight to bring along some used tubes of balls which we hastily sold for 50p a tube and then hurriedly packed our stall away before any more punters could come along and wipe us out again. After much counting and double counting late into the evening, our treasurer was delighted to announce that after five hours work involving six people, we had made the princely sum of £9.47. Unfortunately that's before we've paid the carnival committee for the pitch, so here's hoping it's less than a tenner or we're all in trouble, and that third court might have to wait another few months!
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not sat outside the chip shop with my cap in hand begging for a few pence to pay the fete committee, me, Andy Cross.
PS: We all learnt from this. Next year, smaller hole, bigger balls and 50p a go, with no prizes except the satisfaction of having won. Should have them flocking in. We should make a tenner at least!
Source: Focus, August/September 2007
MP opens new tennis courts
Anyone for tennis? Over 100 people braved the showers to attend the launch of Eaton Bray's new tennis courts.
Free taster sessions were available on the resurfaced courts, which cost £35,000, partly funded by donations from Sports and Arts Foundation and the local Network Fund. Local MP Andrew Selous had a few games and later officially opened the courts.
The event, in School Lane, was arranged as part of the National Lawn Tennis Association's Play Tennis days.
Club members rallied to provide a barbecue for hungry tennis players and 26 new members signed up on the day making it their most successful single recruitment event ever.
The club netted a National Lottery grant four years ago which helped to build a clubhouse with excellent facilities and also install floodlights on two of the courts.
A third court will be re-surfaced later this year at a cost of £18,000, "so the fund-raising continues" said club member Andy Cross.
Source: Leighton Buzzard Observer, 26 June 2007
Anyone for tennis on club's new courts
It's that time of year again. With Wimbledon on the horizon, tennis clubs up and down the country are braced for a couple of weeks of mayhem as budding Tim Henmans and Andy Murrays queue up to hone their skills.
And Eaton Bray Tennis Club is no different. On Saturday (16th June) there's going to be a free taster session for adults and children, and South West Beds MP Andrew Selous is due to be there to officially opening the new courts at the top of School Lane, Eaton Bray, at midday.
There will also be a barbecue, tennis equipment sale and tennis-related games.
The event runs from 11.30am to 3pm.
Source: Dunstable Gazette, 13 June 2007
'Play Tennis' Day - 16th June
'Play Tennis' Day
Saturday 16th June
at Eaton Bray Tennis Club, School Lane, Eaton Bray
'Play Tennis' day is a FREE tennis taster session for adults and children. There will be lots of fun tennis related games and activities, competitions, free giveaways with Chiltern Radio, tennis equipment and clothes for sale by PWP, official opening ceremony for new courts by local MP Andrew Sealous (midday), BBQ and much more.
Join the Fun
at Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club on School Lane
11.30am to 3pm
Contact Ross Bagni on 01525 221411
with any questions or queries
Source: Focus, June 2007
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
I'd like to commence this month with a top tip for all your shoppers who find parking charges prohibitive at big shopping centres like, for example, Milton Keynes. My thanks go to one eminent club member for recounting the following true story regarding how to get free parking for three days in a two hour parking bay. This member, who for legal reasons had best remain nameless (I can't afford a good lawyer, or even a bad one for that matter), parked her car at Sainsbury's in Milton Keynes last Friday whilst she nipped in to purchase a few essentials for husband R....oh gosh nearly gave it away. Once finished she popped into another couple of shops before returning via a different route to Sainsbury's to find her car gone. Vanished into thin air, disappeared, missing, departed, in fact, assumed stolen. Police were alerted, insurance companies contacted and claims lodged, CCTV camera footage studied, witness statements taken, and a full scale Missing Mini alert launched (oh no, there I go again, that rules out all non-Mini owners).
Our member was distraught; not only had her car been nicked but she'd left her very expensive Gucci sunglasses in the glovebox. And worse of all, she had to call her husband, break the news and ask him to come and pick her up in his Cit....(oh good just stopped myself).
Exhaustive enquiries continued over the weekend with the police diverting all available resources into tracking down the exclusive gold Mini (oh heck). By Monday morning they were running out of ideas when they received a phone call from Sainsbury's along the lines of 'There's this car been abandoned in our car park, could you come and take it away please'. They duly arrived and were clearly delighted to discover the 'missing' Mini, which had evidently been sitting in the same car-parking space since the previous Friday, un-moved and very definitely un-stolen. Yes, when our member had returned to find her car, she'd been looking in the wrong car-park!! To say she was a little embarrassed is like saying that Jose Mourinho is a little shy. Oh how the police sighed with relief and smiled about it. MI5 were stood down and the insurance company's claims team were re-deployed. As for our member, all's well that ends well; she got her car back, plus her sunglasses, and as a bonus three days free parking and she didn't even lose her no-claims discount! Apparently her other half was very good about it all and there was absolutely no barney (uh oh that's torn it .... do EasyJet fly to Brazil)??
Following our Spring Dance (see last month's report on the drumming) we followed up in April with a joint Quiz Night with the Village Hall committee. Over 170 people across 20 teams tried to answer questions on subjects from the symbol for the chemical element Barium, to the birthyear of George II. Or was it the III, or it may have been the year of his death, but by then it was all a bit of a blur. We stopped after four rounds to enjoy a magnificent cheese and pate platter provided for each table together with crusty bread, and supped some more beer and wine from our cooler bags. I was seconded to a team who couldn't think of a suitable name, so we appropriately called ourselves 'The Team with No Name'. The second half of the evening saw us rapidly climb up the scoreboard as we sailed through the Sports and Geography rounds thanks mainly to a very intelligent dentist in our ranks, aided by a bank manager who knew the currency of Azerbaijan (1 manat = 100 qapik, in case you ever need to order any), and by some miracle after the full eight rounds we found ourselves overall winners by half a point! We accepted our prizes of bottles of wine with gusto and determined to keep them away from our chairman who was eyeing them with more than a passing interest. The evening raised around £750 each for both the Village Hall committee and our tennis club, and everyone seemed to have a good time as well, so look out soon for booking details for the next Quiz on 5th October. 170 people can't be wrong!
Finally, see the advert in Focus this month for our Play Tennis Day on Saturday 16th June. Chiltern Black Thunder, Andrew Selous MP, free tennis, competitions, and my famous BBQ. Don't miss it!
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact either Chairman Ross Barney Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not fighting extradition from Sao Paulo, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, June 2007
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
It's official - the Chiltern FM Black Thunder is coming to Eaton Bray!! After
months of secret negotiations, wheeling and dealing, ducking and diving, I can reveal that the famous Thunder complete with crew of two from Chiltern FM will be joining us for a couple of hours at our Play Tennis Day at the School Lane courts on Saturday 16th June. From midday they'll be handing out freebies and joining in with the various tennis activities, whilst playing all our favourite tracks of the moment, hopefully something for everyone. Together with the free playing and coaching, games, competitions, equipment and clothing sale, BBQ, local MP Andrew Selous and half price membership for anyone joining on the day, it promises to be a day to remember, so do come up and join us and meet the Chiltern Black Thunder crew!
Talking of days to remember, our recent Spring Dance at the village hall was certainly an evening to remember. Tables covered with crisp white tablecloths and festooned with yellow and green helium balloons and ribbons, hosted over 100 people who enjoyed a scrumptious dinner, after which we were all treated to the largely '60s sound of Jim Balls and his Racquets (or is it Jim Racquets and his Balls, I can never remember..) who relentlessly strummed their way through virtually every recording featuring loud drumming that EMI ever produced. They made an exceptionally brave attempt at Oasis's 'Champagne SuperNova', and encouraged by the fact that no-one left, had a crack at U2s 'With or Without You' before moving mercifully back into their comfort zone of some more loud drumming. Nonetheless, the dance floor remained practically full for most of the evening so hats off to Jim and his band, they do know how to play a good gig ! A raffle followed a brief break in the drumming, during which the Chairman's wife won first prize (always happens; I think next time we'll just deliver the top prize to their house beforehand to save the hassle of bringing it down to the hall), before it was back to Jim's big band to close off the evening with some nice romantic slow numbers, with lots of drumming.
I can't close this week without mentioning that stalwart of British tennis, Greg Rusedski, who announced his retirement from the professional sport this week. He spent 12 years playing for Great Britain and reached a career best of being ranked number 4 in the world, as well as holding the fastest serve record for some years at 149mph, only recently beaten by Andy Roddick. Clearly our own Roy Cook's serve has never been officially measured on our courts, because that would certainly take the new record; I'd estimate his first serve must reach over 500mph but unfortunately they very rarely go in, and his second serve is around 4mph, so if you manage to avoid being hit by his first serve, which would almost certainly be the end of you, then you can watch him play his second serve, nip off for a cup of tea in the clubhouse, take the dog for a walk around the field and meander back to the court all in time to see the ball lethargically approaching the point where you may have to consider hitting it back. Games with Roy aren't rapid affairs. Mind you, my second serve is even slower, and we're purposely kept apart in the competitions because of the requirement to finish a game in the same week in which it was started.
For those interested in trivia, the longest singles match in recorded tennis history took place at the 2004 French Open when Fabrice Santoro defeated Arnaud Clement 6-4; 6-3; 6-7; 3-6; 16-14. The match lasted for 6 hours and 35 minutes of actual play, and was spread over 2 days due to it getting dark at the end of the first day!
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact Chairman Ross Bagni.
Source: Focus, May 2007
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
First this month, a date for your diary. Saturday 16th June. Mark it in now, as that's when we'll be holding our Play Tennis Day at the School Lane courts. As part of the Lawn Tennis Association promotion to encourage more people to take up the sport, we'll be starting off around midday with free playing and coaching for everyone, with special sessions for the youngsters, and you don't even need your own racquet as we can lend you one! There'll be games and competitions, tennis clothing and equipment for sale, the ubiquitous tasty BBQ, and as I write we are in secret negotiations with Chiltern Radio to come along! We'll keep you informed on that one, as they haven't answered my e-mail yet! Plus, our local MP Andrew Selous will attend from midday for 45 minutes to try his hand at tennis against some lucky volunteers, and to officially open our resurfaced courts. Finally, there's half price membership for anyone who joins on the day! So please do come up and join us for an hour or two, and enjoy some good company, hopefully some sunshine, (it's bound to be typically English summer weather, i.e. rainy with sunny intervals, or sunny with rainy intervals), a burger or two and some gentle exercise on the tennis courts (maybe have that burger afterwards...). I'll have to make sure they're properly cooked - I could go to the tower for attempting to poison a Member of Parliament.
The onset of spring has thrown me a challenge. Over the previous few months, on a Sunday morning I've been able to peek through my bedroom curtains and persuade myself that it's either too wet / cold / foggy / dark / slippery or even too cloudy to go up to our Sunday morning social tennis sessions. This has given me the perfect excuse to dive back under my duvet and begin the traditional ritual of 'discussing' with my wife who's turn it is to get the coffee. I normally lose, and such were my expectations last Sunday when I nosed through the window at about 9am. Quelle Horreur, as they say in Germany. The sun was shining brightly. Not a cloud in the sky. The birds were singing and next door's cat was sunbathing on top of the guinea-pig hutch. I was all out of excuses, it was now or never. I slipped into my tennis shorts (which once again had shrunk over the winter months), donned my XXL t-shirt, which I really should have put in for washing after my last appearance on court back in September, collected my racquet from the back of the shed where it had been thrown in disgust after that last defeat, and drove to the courts to find that 12 other people had had the same idea. There was no getting out of it; I was going to have to play some tennis.
I must admit to being a tad rusty; in fact 12 gallons of WD40 wouldn't have helped me much, but at least I could still hit the ball most of the time. My serving was, lets say, unique, but not as weird as my first opponent Martin Clark, who's self-taught technique caused the ball to travel three sides of a square before it finally plopped down on my side of the court. I think it was all that running around back and forth, left and right, trying to return his serve that set off the alarm on my heart monitor, whereupon I decided that a nice sit down was called for, whilst everyone else discussed the next pairings for the subsequent set. I began to wish I hadn't left my iron lung at home. By a quirky chance of good fortune I was paired with a lady called Claire, whose day job is a paramedic.
I felt a wave of relaxation drift over me as I served off in the next game knowing that if I did keel over at any point then at least there was help close by; I was sure she'd have at least a defibrillator in her tennis bag, plus a wide variety of additional highly technical life-saving equipment, and probably knew a very quick way to the L&D although how she'd have got me in the back of her sports car I'm not sure.
Fortunately I saw out the rest of the morning without incident, and can thoroughly recommend our Sunday sessions as a way to blow away those winter cobwebs. If I can survive it, then so can you!
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please call either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not giving myself a medical, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, April 2007
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
I haven't had much time to concentrate on my normal duties over the last few weeks due to the enormous number of planning meetings I have had to attend following our development strategy for the School Lane courts and bringing Wimbledon to Eaton Bray. Apparently there's a potential issue with School Lane not being quite wide enough for the envisaged dual carriageway. No problem however, as Servya's newly appointed American architect U. Kanbe-Zerious Jnr has slipped a few dollars to the Parish Council for a new floodlit footpath between the White Horse and the Five Bells (with refreshment points along the way) and we're assured all will be OK; limited housing demolishment will be required along School Lane (you'll get a few quid and a bit of bog-land in Kazakhstan) and the central reservation will include a fully equipped motorway service station complete with Q8 petrol, beef and salami sandwiches (half price on Wednesdays) and a Travelodge for those visitors who wish to enjoy the magnificent facilities on offer in Eaton Bray without the requirement to limit the night out to just two bottles of Smirnov and a pot of Stroganoff with sprouts.
With regard to our recent improvements, I am obliged, nay delighted to offer out thanks and appreciation to the Foundation for the Sports and the Arts who contributed magnificently to our new courts and fencing. I don't think they know about the forementioned 'enhancements' with our Eastern European colleagues, so best not to mention them if someone from that organisation happens to knock on your door one day for a chat and a cup of tea. Just say that everything is in hand and ask them to call John Prescott who took a personal interest in our planning application; I have no explanation for why two Jaguars were parked outside our Chairman's house for most of November, but who am I to ask. I just write the articles and generally get sued afterwards, but I've played tennis with Tony Blair so there. And anyone who disputes that, just read Focus back in the late 90s sometime. That was a great report; political misunderstandings, wrongly-called line faults, our chairman being arrested by the flying squad, straightjackets, all night court sittings, oh what a weekend that was. And we're still here to tell the tale, albeit mostly about prison food, and some bloke called 'Lucky Bunny' which he probably was but our chairman certainly wasn't.
The Winter League has commenced and Eaton Bray is doing fine so far- our Men's team have beaten, no thrashed, Slip End (I'm sure they'll improve once their M1 bridge has been widened) and we expect to continue our magnificent results in this year's summer league where we were presented with no less than three trophies at the awards ceremony in October at the Luton & Vauxhall club. We collectively took over two tables and left all other clubs in no doubt as to which club was the rising star in 2006! So why not come and join us for what promises to be an 'Absolutely Fabulous' 2007, commencing with a Valentine's Dance at the village hall on Saturday 10th February, starring the 'Best UK Live band in 2006 (Eaton Bray South of High Street section) Jim Balls and his Racquets (don't ask…) who served us well last year. Served us… get it? Oh never mind, just join us on the night!!
Finally, congratulations to club coach Nick Boys and his wife Karen who have recently become the proud parents of Daisy Elizabeth. Mother and daughter are doing well; husband is running around like a headless chicken. Mind you, don't all us new fathers do the same?!
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick 'where've I put that baby?' Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not at a planning meeting, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, December/January 2007
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
Just like that stalwart of diplomacy Boris Johnson I've gone and put my foot in it. Both feet in fact, up to my waist. Probably even my chin. In last month's article I congratulated our Ladies Division 2 team for winning their South Beds league, and I named the players. Well, most of them. All except one in fact. My sincere apologies to Jane Wigley who played a big part in their success. I have been suitably admonished by the Chairman, Secretary and Treasurer; apparently even that mad border collie who runs around outside the courts like a demented chicken on steroids every time a ball is played knew that Jane was in the team. I am happy, nay delighted and honoured to put the facts right, and hope my job here is secure for another month. Or at least until they pay me.
I might as well go now.
Our club tournament finals day in September took place under sunny climes, and saw a first Men's singles victory for Michael Tatham who despatched club coach Nick Boys in straight sets, going through a racquet in the process and remarking to his watching father eremy "that's another 20 quid please Dad". Both players put their all into the match with fast and furious rallies, and Nick gave as good as he got until being eventually outgunned by rising star Michael. At half Nick's age (well, about...) Michael's energy levels won the day. Nick can take some solace however in the fact that it was he who had previously coached Michael and helped him reach the standard he is now. After all, how many top players' coaches can actually beat their employers? Not that many.... Congratulations Michael !
In another fascinating match, chairman Ross Bagni took his first title in 18 years as he and partner Jenny Baines beat Jane Wigley and Simon Mitchener in 3 sets in the mixed doubles. Scheduled for 90 minutes, the players were still pounding out the rallies 3 hours after umpire Peter Hale had tossed his coin, and during one break between games Peter had to trot to the clubhouse for a cushion to ease the cramp attack from squatting on the narrow top step of his ladder. Ross, clearly emotional after his victory, declined an interview with Focus, instead retiring to the clubhouse for a cup of tea and a nice sit down. It was reported to be the quietest Ross had ever been, and other players and onlookers savoured the moment whilst a worldwide search was launched for an engraver who could spell 'Bagni'.
In the Ladies' doubles final, Val Abercrombie and Jane Cross overcame Danielle Tansley and Jane Wigley, whilst Simon Mitchener and Pete Messetter got the better of Glenn Wigley and Nick Boys in the Mens' doubles. The Ladies' final saw some strong groundplay from the winning pair, whilst the Mens' doubles saw some unique umpiring from La Perm John (name anagrammed to protect his identity) who displayed an amazing incapability to keep track of the score. "I thought those few glasses of rosé would help me concentrate" explained umpire La Perm afterwards, "but unfortunately they had the opposite effect. It was a good job the crowd could both keep the score and act as line judges because I hadn't got the faintest idea what was going on". La Perm John has now been assigned a retraining course, an appointment at Specsavers and 2 aspirins, after which he can return to Taskers Row. Oops.
The massive developments at our club are now underway; the courts have been re-laid and the fences replaced. The great news is that, having seen our plans for expansion, a Russian billionaire, Servya Rakketov has expressed an interest in a take-over bid for the club. Together with Vietnamese financier Phut Pholt he plans to bring brand new facilities including extending the existing clubhouse down to School Lane and building new multi-storey car parking facilities on the Green. There will be a new 35,000 capacity Grandstand with ten 25 metre high floodlights, conference facilities and executive boxes. School Lane will be re-developed into a dual carriageway with a Hemel Hempstead type 'magic roundabout' at the junction of the High Street (with a McDonalds in the middle) to facilitate the journey times of the thousands of tennis players and fans expected to flock to the new facilities. It is hoped that within 3 years we will be hosting the first of many Grand Slams, taking over from Wimbledon which to be honest is beginning to look a little jaded. In place of Henman Hill the club will construct Bagni Burrow to ensure that the memory of the Chairman's magnificent victory this year is forever sculptured into the landscape of Eaton Bray. After all, it may be another 18 years before another chance comes along.
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact either Chairman Ross 'Burrow' Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not out in fantasy land me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, November 2006
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
It has been a truly remarkable summer at our Tennis Club. Bearing in mind our size - we have just over 100 members around half of whom are regular players - we have achieved fantastic success in the South Bedfordshire summer league by winning definitely 3 and possibly 4 league titles! I say possibly 4 as there are some 'irregularities' to be clarified in the Men's division 3 league which I can't discuss or the authorities will have to shoot me (they make the recent Italian football scandal look like a tea party, however I can confirm that our club is totally 'clean'...) but we may well take that title too for our Men's B team, so for the record those that we have certainly won include:
- Men's division 1 with our Men's 'A' team of Nick Boys, Darren Kerins, Michael Tatham and Kevin Todd.
- Men's division 4 with our Men's 'C' team squad of David Arnold, Ross Bagni, Roy Cook, Simon Mitchener, Alan Painter, Danny Sunderland, David Hillman and Keith Hillman
- Ladies Division 2 with our Ladies team squad of Val Abercrombie, Jenny Baines, Jane Cross, Olga Davison, Lynn Dorman and Carol Karnon.
Bearing in mind the quality of some of the opposition in the big clubs like Luton & Vauxhall, Dunstable, and Leighton Buzzard, this is a tremendous achievement for our village club and we are justifiably very proud. Congratulations to all who organised, participated, prepared the teas and supported the teams. There's not many tennis clubs around who can claim such a record AND have the social appetite that we do. And you can still join us for the rest of this season at some amazingly good prices, just call one of us for more information or pop round to my house with a brown envelope stuffed full of fivers and I'll do the rest. Trust me I'm a salesman.
By the time you read this, work on our new courts will be well underway by local company Complete Tennis Service, and we're very grateful to all those who have contributed towards this £35,000 project, to include new fencing; we're saving up to get it electrified to keep out the rif-raf.
Thanks to Ross and Judy on the committee who single-handedly (or double backhandedly) provoked various organisations into giving us grants of over £5,000, to the South Bedfordshire District Council 'More Active' Grant Scheme who donated £270, to Roger Bowden for donating his Wimbledon ticket, and to all members who took out extended memberships at inflation busting rates, all of whom have enabled this project to happen. Floodlights, new courts, winning leagues, barbeques at any excuse, quiznights, dances ... can any other organisation offer so much to so many for so little? Hold on I missed out the 'so few'. Oh I'm too tired now, you'll have to add that in for yourselves at an appropriate point.
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please call either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not doing a barbeque, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, October 2006
Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club
As I write this in early June, the weather is turning from several weeks of solid tennis-spoiling rain to some good old court-inducing sunshine. Out of interest, after the third week of non-stop rain and hail and the inevitably consequential hosepipe ban, I reluctantly took the advice of Three Valleys Water and invested in a water butt. It took four weeks to arrive due to 'excessive demand' for the Slimline version (a bit like me). By the time DHL turned up with it, we’d had another four weeks of downpours, and I was looking forward to enjoying seeing it fill to capacity within hours. As co-incidentally it had stopped raining the day it arrived, I ventured outside with instructions and a hammer, installed the thing using a rather nifty device to my downflow drainpipe, and returned indoors to await the next storm. What’s happened? Not a drop since. Eighty degrees and blue skies for over a week now. My butt’s as dry as a bone. A dormouse is using it as a sauna. I’ll have to hose it down to stop it cracking up. Oh I can’t, there’s a hosepipe ban. I’ll use the water from the water butt. Oh there’s none in it. Catch 22. I’ve been done.
Sorry back to tennis things. The sun was there shining brightly on the evening of 31st May for our ‘Play Tennis’ event. Over 60 people, half of them youngsters, came along to the courts to enjoy some shots and a spot of coaching from Nick Boys and other press-ganged willing volunteers like John Jones and Mike Abercrombie. Some sat and watched over a cup of tea (or at least that’s what we told Ross was in the cups), some brought their own picnics and chairs and made an evening of it, but everyone, and I mean everyone, wanted one of my deliciously tasty sausages or burgers made from the finest ingredients by Hines butchers, cooked to perfection over searing hot coals, served in a fresh bun or roll with a choice of fried onions and several accompanying sauces, presented in an England flag type napkin with a friendly smile from my lovely assistants Jane Hosey and Lorraine Stonelake. And all for only a pound you know. You couldn’t get a daytrip to Bangor for that these days. For the first time ever, we sold out! Fruitless cries of ‘more sausages Mr Chairman’ went unheeded. Overall it was an excellent evening which was a lot of fun, and has encouraged half a dozen new members to join our merry throng!
Last month we held an Indoor games night in the Village Hall which proved very popular by becoming more confusing as the evening wore on. One hundred people were divided into teams named after pubs and competed against one another in games such as shove ha’penny, skittles and bar skittles, Quoits, Bung Hole, and Roll a Penny to name a few. The committee, one of whom was stationed at each game as adjudicator, were trained and drilled on the rules of each game by Judy Venn, and the rules of the scoring system by Chairman Ross, which proved far more complicated than the games themselves. The affect of a pint or two on the adjudicators didn’t help the matter and by half time during the excellent fish and chip supper, there was much frantic running around by those committee members still able to run (or even walk) to try to determine which team was in which position. So we had a raffle to give us some more time to try and work it out. By the end of the evening it was only down to the Eurovision Song Contest type scoring system invented, installed and implemented by Mike Abercrombie (which took up more space than any of the games themselves) that enabled us to declare a winner. I’m afraid I can’t remember who it was (or any details of the scoring system) but we’ve had so much feedback on what a good evening it was, games, convivial atmosphere, confused committee, raffle prizes, food and all, that we must have got it right! Judy, Jan and Ross, all is forgiven, and let’s have another one soon (but with a slightly smaller scoreboard). Also can you ask if Carol Vorderman is free to pop along to help?
For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please call either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick Boys, or if they’re all out and I’m not hosing down my butt, me, Andy Cross.
Source: Focus, July 2006